Tears of Joy and Gratitude

One evening after a meditation, I was overwhelmed with love. But it wasn't only the love that Guru was giving me, but it was the love that was coming out of me towards him, a kind of love that I have never, ever, ever experienced before. A kind of love that could only come from the very depths of my existence. At the end of the function, I was shedding tears – crying, crying, crying, crying, crying, crying, because the beauty was so intense and so powerful, and I was so full of gratitude and joy.

After the function Guru asked the disciples to stay. They were going to give us food, but I couldn’t stop crying. I was starting to feel embarrassed, so I decided to hide in a room. What I didn't remember was that that room had a connecting door to Guru's room. Plus, I thought that Guru was dealing with the disciples in a different area. So, I went to the furthest corner of the room, the darkest corner, and allowed myself to cry without any control – the type of crying where you can hardly breathe.

Suddenly the door opened, and Guru was walking very fast towards me. He said, “My Sevananda, my Sevananda, what have I done to you? How have I hurt you?” There was so much love and concern in the question: “What have I done to you, my child? Please tell me, what have I done to you?”

Guru turned on the lights of the room and was standing right in front of me. And I said to him, “I was crying because I love you so much.” With his hand, he wiped away my tears and said, “There are two tears worth having. One is the tear of joy. The other is the tear of gratitude. And yours are tears of joy and gratitude, my child.”

My tears

Before I accepted  
The life of aspiration,  
My tears were the tears  
Of real sorrow.  
Now that I have accepted  
The life of aspiration,  
My tears are not tears of sorrow  
But tears of real joy.  

Sri Chinmoy 1

May each tear  
Of my heart  
Be a God-gratitude-tear.  

Sri Chinmoy 2

• 1. Ten Thousand Flower-Flames, part 52, Agni Press, 1983
• 2. Sri Chinmoy in Russia, Agni Press, 2001